Short Satire #1

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God so loved the world that he created Man and Woman, unequal and unfit for self-control. He gave them a garden with a tree that he knew would lead to death if eaten of. He gave Man dominion over Woman, with his strength, and Woman power over Man, with her sexual prowess. Man did not have self-control, only desire, which God placed in him. God gave Man and Woman folly and ignorance, he allowed them to have free will (or the appearance of free will). Woman tempted Man, and blamed it on a lizard. Man ate of death, which God had made. God was shocked. God knew that he too needed a scapegoat, so He went along with Woman’s story and cursed the poor snake. The snake slithered away with a curse upon his head from the all-loving God. Man and Woman were cast out of the garden by the all-loving God. God loved Man and Woman so much that he made hell. He continued the curse of death for all generations. He placed it in the stars and in the very physics of the universe. This world would pass away, but by no fault his own. Man and Woman would gain additional pain for their disobedience, and their nature would transform into something less innocent. Anger and Lust would rule their dealings, and self-interest would be there philosophy. Although to God’s credit he did try to reconcile the whole situation. He created universal laws, which strangely resembled an ancient near eastern tradition. God killed millions of other tribes for the sake of the descendants of Man and Woman. Man and Woman had all this gold, but were also not aloud to take anyone’s gold (gold used to be everywhere I guess). God would disappear for sometime. He decided to start talking through people, who in return were blessed with riches and all sorts of wealth, you know, for their suffering. Although God would no longer audibly speak, people were still certain they could determine what was from God and what was from the serpent (the serpent’s story is all too peculiar to tell here). Sometimes God would tell people to hang people of different races and cultures, sometimes he would change his mind about all of that. Sometimes God would tell people to sacrifice there sons, and these people would be blessed for their obedience. Other times, the serpent would deceive Men and Women into believing that God was telling them to follow in the path of the patriarchy, which would lead to Psych evaluations and prison time. God used to be very concerned for the poor, the widows, and the orphaned children; now god is more concerned about whether people are trying to raise abominable “families” or remove prayer from school or teach a twisted form of creation (no doubt perpetuated by the serpent, who is still upset about the loss of his legs). God does still speak, but you see, he is much older now, and his voice being so raspy, has been hard to understand for quite some time. It is hard to say whether it was God or Man who first perpetuated the idea of evil, or if perhaps between their eviction from the garden, Man and Woman and God all created Evil together. But nonetheless here it exist. God is rather quiet now, and Man is rather loud, but I am sure that I am not alone in requesting of him a few more answers, or perhaps some amendments to his eternal law. And perhaps if I could ask of God one thing, it would be a pardon for that poor old snake. 

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